Damn you Apple for this amazing iPhone

Dear Apple,

Like millions of Americans I decided it was time to upgrade my old flip-style cellphone so I bought one of your new iPhone 4s. When it arrived at my door via FedEx, I was like a kid on Christmas morning. I tore away the minimalist packaging to admire the new phone’s sleek glass surfaces and Deiter Rams-esque industrial design. Immediately after activating it, I Facetimed my best friend Paul, who also just got an iPhone, then spent the weekend downloading apps, shooting HD video, and tracking my bike rides via GPS. I was in hog heaven. Now Consumer Reports is telling me that the antenna on this thing sucks. Damn you Apple for this crappy phone!

Sure, all my other cellphones have been crappy too, much crappier than this one. But after listening to my Apple fanboy co-workers drone on and on for three years about their spiffy iPhones and all the cool apps, I was led to believe that this new device of yours would be the most perfectly crafted piece of technology ever created by mankind. And it looks the part, what with its amazingly crisp Retina display and high-end build quality, but now I’m hearing that if I have five bars of reception and my finger touches the phone a certain way, my reception will be reduced to four bars. My first question is: How can I too receive five bars on AT&T’s network? My second question is: How can you release this piece of crap?! I demand an immediate recall! This is irresponsible. The US of A didn’t let Toyota get away with shoddy craftsmanship in their cars, and we’re sure not gonna let you off the hook with your fancy new iPhone 4!

In fairness I should admit that I haven’t lost a call yet. But Paul told me that last night while he was on the phone with his girlfriend in a rather heated argument, the call suddenly dropped. Just like that! Worse, he was unable to get back through again. Even text messages were apparently not going through, because he never got a response. Unable to contact his girlfriend, Paul was forced to shoot a beautiful 720p HD movie for her on his iPhone, which he then edited and titled with iMovie and uploaded to both Youtube and Facebook. Is this how you expect us to live Apple?! You should be ashamed!

Now I hear you have basically admitted there is a major issue by telling customers if they don’t like their phones they can return them with no re-stock fee. Nice try! I put a case on mine instead. Thwarted again! Although, if I do start dropping calls maybe I will exchange mine for a Droid X. I hear they’re just as good as the iPhone plus they do that search thing like in the commercials. Not to mention, they have true multitasking, whatever that is.

One pissed off Apple customer!

Sent from my iPhone

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